# DISCLAIMER: PROFRANITIES, SUICIDE AND WHATEVER THE **FUCK** ELSE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT.

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fuck this. I'm so done. I can't fucking take it. society is rotten to its core. Social conventions normalize people's selfish behaviour and the, often times, malicious ulterior motives. social media serves to boost the ones already at the top further up. it's a large pile of fucking shit.

the amount of fucking times I considered disappearing is endless. every day I rot away waiting to be inspired by today's various societies, just to remember again and again that societies are built on shallow, superficial connections held by interests and thin strings. passion is often times overlooked, misunderstood, ridiculoued... even just this post will evoke some reactions of "who hurt you?" from strangers on a wide web that's supposed to pull all of the civilians into one space to control better. endless opportunities, endless industries, several jobs and so much more to discover --- all of it upheld by singular monopolies or competing corporations striving towards the same goal with the same motivation always and always and always.

and everybody's just watching it happen. half of the people rot in their room, doing fuck-all with their lives --- I'm no exception. another half lives active, "meaningful" or "fulfilling" lives and often willingly overlook any disgusting behaviour that might taint their happy vision of reality.

I'm sick and tired of trying to be happy. I have to be so ignorant to be happy that it hurts. I cannot make myself ignore all of the information I constantly digest. I'm overwhelmed not just by geo-political non-sense, but by the smallest of things. I overanalyze everything; it's so tiring. ***but*** I don't want to change **this** *at all*.

and let's look at the political situation of any country-- no, any corporation-- no, any large team-- any institution-- any social network. all of it--- I mean, ALL OF IT built on fragile large teams with no direction, no competent leadership, no enginuity.

several tech companies --- be it gaming, phone manifacturers, whatever the fuck --- fail to deliver, not just because of greed, often times, because the system falls apart. they cannot maintain it. countries are held up by laws and agricultural, economical systems that can break any second. we CANNOT scale this massively at this rate and not expect consequences. why can't we learn to go backwards to surgically resolve issues? several countries operate on "official" websites severly out of date and are unmanagable. health care systems around the west are a massive joke. formerly communist countries in eastern europe manage to do some of the most basic things right while, obviously miserably failing at most other things --- off-topic. there are so many, SO MANY issues I can point out one-by-fucking-one that I'd be here typing all night. I'm not just ranting for the sake of ranting, I'm so terribly upset by the state of the world. nothing ever changes. since medieval times 'we' sacrificed so-called "witches". 'we' choose sides, call ourselves neo-nazis or raicsts or fascists just to... what? belonog somewhere!? 'we' ruin the world and the world FOR the people around us for the sake of 'OUR' ideologies. and don't call me anything, what's the point of labelling me anyway? do you achieve something with it? does it help you rationalize your actions if you make me something in your mind? --- nazis aren't even the problem, everybody chooses sides. everybody. I understand it's in our nature and we've been 'surviving' this way since ancient times. does that make you feel better? does it make you feel better that people did worse things than you for the sake of sustaining 'us' and ending up victories instead of 'them'? in the modern world there's no reason to choose sides. there's no reason to dominate each-other. there's no point in trusting large corporations with all of our information and just accepting. there's no point in having a large body of poeple in charge of things. I'm no anarchist, but these capitalistic systems are failing. their time, like most things, will come to an end and I'm not triumphant about it. I don't care. I couldn't care less. except I could and I do. I care so much more than anyone I've met. I cannot...

all of this rage, I cannot contain it. what's the fucking point!?!? I'm an artist. what a joke. I seek the approval of others in a society where I'm most probably not going to ever be found. and even if I do, what then? I over-sanitize my content and become a happier version of myself that's no longer this? what for? so I can "sustain" myself. so I can "stop living in survival mode". no, I think my mind already's wired differently. I don't want to be happy if I lose my integrity. if I lose my fight for what's right. and none of this is right. there's not enough right about the current world.

some people who'll know me better might attempt to psycho-analyze my behaviour, each word I say or each action I had. tbf, that won't happen, but I'd be flattered regardless if I would be around at that point still. again, not implying anything, any meaning you see there is your own. I don't know what will happen next and that's not because I don't know myself, but precisely because I do. I might sound cheesy or my sentences might seem quotable and entirely useless otherwise, but what I meant by that was that I know that I can rationalize endlessly. but I also know I can act if it's needed or the impulse hits just right. so who's to tell what would win? or perhaps I rationalize myself into doing it...? again, I don't know. it's a shame that it's a crime to try and escape from the wrongs of this world.

• so this is me... this is who I am. pent up, self-contained, and internally suffering. don't pity me. don't feel sad for me. although I want you to, I shouldn't get it. there are people in worse situations and besides, I didn't tell you anything about my situation. I only showed you my lines of thoughts. my never-ending, passionate hate for my misfortunate observations.

I've been outcasted by several societies. I've been through discrimination of many kinds. I'm not complaining, I'm explaining. I hate that I was... well, I wasn't hated. I could never say I was hated. I was the one with hatred. but I hate that I was pushed aside. it led to the point where being see-through was better. And I now no longer feel the ability to rejoin society. I don't want to. it's ridiculous. I cannot maintain conversations about meaningless things until they eventually manage to pull off their desired questions and lead the conversation. huh, 'lead the conversation', again... society just accepts it. people are so good at manipulating each other, why aren't they this good at their professions? society wouldn't be failing if that was the case. so superficial. so fake. so... meaningless. people constantly drain my energy and for what? what do I get in return? I don't get the hormonal hits I assume I'm supposed to and I don't even want to. again, why would I want to maintain connections for the sake of making myself feel better and therefore sustaining myself and securing my survival?

fake. fake. fake. all fake. and this is very apparent with the rise of... uhm... artificial "mind-replicant" software. so much effort just got thrown out of the window as soon as this technology was sent to the mainstream channel. oftentimes ppl can't tell the difference, because they don't care to. how can you tell that this writing wasn't generated?!?!? or that anything I've ever made isn't the creation of some evil company-owned large model with a backdoor? is it because of my "passion"? well, guess what, I just sent a similarly passionate manifesto to this new model called "codegeek" and it generated me this. I'm not even the one writing any of this. I'm joking. I'm very clearly joking. I'm currently ignoring 3 messages from one person on discord typing this and it doesn't even matter. none of it does. what does it matter what I spend my small moments on? none of it adds up to anything, my life is so miniscule. even if I killed myself in an attempt to send a message, it'd be forgotten within months at best.

there. more dangerous flags tripped. I'm talking about suicide!!!! pay attention!!! BAN ME IF THE POST IS SHARED ON SOCIAL MEDIA APPS. RESTRICT MY ACCESS TO ALL OF MY PROJECTS, FUCK NPM, FUCK SOLARIS, FUCK SO MUCH MORE. FUCK MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING IN IT, RIGHT?! I'M JUST A 19 YEAR OLD SHIT ANYWAY.

I feel numb. how did black become the new preferred shade over white? why did we normalize the dark aesthetics? knights used to wear shiny armours made out of steal, several pieces of literature use this to talk about light and some godly non-sense or whatever the fuck. how did we go to black? yes, it's dark in the room and you don't want your monitor to burn your cretins-- "fuck. what was that word again?" was what I thought and decided to search it up. instead, I came across this post. it made me... giggle internally. the author (op) was funny in the way they described everything and the pacing was fitting for any book really. wait. 7 years ago... hm. I wonder if it's real. even if it was 7 years ago, people were still just making shit up for the sake of making shit up. that reminds me-- I wanted to say at some point that another reaction to this post might "get off the internet", "touch grass". this outrage of mine grew the most when I was in school. teachers are fucking morons. studying on my own is more efficient than spending several hours of my life in those institutions, those poorly maintained buildings. classmates are far worse. I've been told several times that I'm too negative, I take life too seriously and some others have told me I'm very mature for my age. I cannot care less about their opinions, why the fuck isn't the rest of the world keeping up? this should be standard. all I'm doing now is write down my observations. my tone, my emotions, my way of sharing that, doesn't matter. it only matters because of how you judge me and how this will stick with you. but I couldn't care less about that, no offense. not because I want to be so cool and dope and not care, but because, again, it's another social convetion to "make yourself look as presentable as possible" and I'm *honestly* **sick and tired of it**. there's no reason for me to be doing that. there's no one I have to impress or to live up to their expectations. my life is mine and only mine. or at least I wish that was the case, again, we're back to corporate talk with this one about evil manipulation bla-bla-bla. you've heard it several times by now.

btw, does this entertain you? think about that. and if you are shameless, think about it some more. surely you realize...

I will stop here. there's no more point in continuing. this can and will be used against me in some way or another at some point. I'm basically ensuring my future failure with this. it's not my intention, but people just really really really don't care about others and I'll probably fall victim to that.

last thought: many people still think that social media is another world and what happens there doesn't affect you or your circle of people around you. that's not true and probably never again will be.

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